The Intimidation Factor: Gen Y Males and Females
September 24, 2008
“I just hope that you don’t work too hard. I mean, you are a bright, pretty young girl, you don’t want to end up alone.”
A good guy friend said that to me a couple of years ago. A naïve younger Carla just stood there. I smiled, nodded, and continued with the conversation.
His statement has stuck with me ever since.
After writing a post last week about a study and corresponding book about Gen Y males being stuck in “Guyland,” I started thinking about the changing roles of women and how that has affected professional and personal relationships between Gen Y males and females. Knowing my guy friend pretty well, I can attribute his statement as a defense mechanism to counteract my career aspirations and drive. This statement was said in a positive manner, from a cautious friend “just trying to look out for me.” I realize now that, perhaps, he was a little intimidated by me.
After several more talks, I realized that my friend equated my success in life and as a woman with being in a relationship. By being a single 22-year-old, career-driven young woman, I couldn’t feel successful or happy in all areas of life. That the measure of my success would be determined by my relationship and career status by the age of 30. However, I think this was his way of using power over me.
Are some Gen Y males intimidated by career-driven and confident Gen Y females, single or taken? In the not-so-distant past, women’s gender roles defined them as a homemaker and caretaker. Obviously laws and social norms have changed so women have the right to vote, work and receive equal pay. How have these changes affected the interaction between males and females in later generations psychologically?
I am interested in hearing your thoughts. Feel free to comment or send me an email.
-Carla
Entry Filed under: Millennials, Personal Development. Tags: Gen Y females, Gen Y males.
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1.
amhardly | October 3, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Hey Carla, this is a fascinating blog.
My thoughts are quite possibly not the norm, but I do feel like some of my sentiments could be mis-interpreted as what the guy in this blog said. I have trouble thinking of a career gender gap because I’ve grown up watching my mother defying standards throughout her career. Of course I acknowledge that these gaps exist, but they don’t occur to me socially: I expect everyone I know to do what they can to achieve the job they want and become the person they want to be.
That said, I dated a girl who was so much more concerned with her own advancement that I got entirely sidelined. My objections there could have been characterized as some sort of implied sexism, but I don’t feel that they were. It wasn’t her career, it was how she valued it over me and left me feeling unimportant. I didn’t even factor into her decisions.
So I guess I’m not intimidated by driven women – I’m pretty drawn to them, actually. I am, however, upset by women and men alike who don’t seem to let anyone in because of their careers. It seems to me that a career is only good to the extent that it enriches your life, and if it’s replacing it, there’s a problem. I think that’s fair.
I don’t really know how comments on blogs work, is this too long?
2.
carlablumenthal | October 3, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Ben-
Totally agree with the work/life balance. Work is important and is a part of our life and who we are, but relationships with the ones you love should be above all.
I love your last sentence about work enriching your life but not replacing. I think at 22 I am so into work/school, it is hard to think of someone else in my life. Perhaps this is just a part of a learning 20-something. That’s not to say that there isn’t room for both work and relationships- it just takes the right person and the right balance.
And your comments are great. So happy to see you on here.
-Carla
3.
Emma | October 10, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I am feminist in the sense that I want to be treated equally in politics and society. However, I tend to rank relationships (with anyone, not just boys
) above career. Sometimes I feel alone among my amazing talented and intensely driven girlfriends with this!
I am afraid sometimes that our driven-ness has driven the boys away. I know so many guys who have told me they are afraid of me, or some hottie-but-driven gf. And then I watch said driven hotties bite guys heads off when they try to talk to them. Or – perhaps worse – automatically friend-zone them.
You guys are right on: the work-life balance is so hard to figure out. I guess we’ll just have to keep experimenting until we get it right!
4.
jackmkt | December 3, 2008 at 9:04 am
@ Carla- Great post, but I must admit I don’t think there is work/life balance. Innstead, I would call it work/life choices. I’m in a similar situation to you, and like you, don’t view it as I’m missing anything. I know that I want to drive a nice car, have a nice house and take vacations, and realize the choices I have to make in order to get there.
Now, maybe my perspective will change as the years go on, but I think if I make the right choices for my career now, everthing else will fall into place down the road.
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7.
Ryan Stephens | April 10, 2009 at 7:23 pm
I want a driven woman so I can be a house husband and sit on the couch in sweatpants and become the best fantasy baseball player I can possible be.
Really enjoyed this post Carla, and having dated a REALLY driven Gen Y female I definitely have some insight into the situation. In short, Yes, I think most Gen Y men are intimidated by women that are A.) really driven B.) make more money than them.
There are so many factors though that shape these types of relationships that I’m hesitant to put anyone in a box. I’d be happy to have this conversation via gchat, but I’m going to refrain from writing a 1500 word exposition in your comments section.
Basically, I just watched your #AwesomeBloggers interview with Jun that was in fact, Awesome and had to let you know I wasn’t intimidated of commenting on this post.
R